Disappointing week

Nathan was supposed to have a rather easy week, as he was "floating" until next week. Knowing this I got my hopes up and had all sorts of plans for our family. The number one goal of the week was to go to the temple. It has been WAY too long since we've been able to go and I personally feel nearly starved for the feeling that I can get only there. We had tried to go a week or so ago, but it didn't work out with babysitting. So, my good friend, Lynette, has offered over and over to watch the kids so we can go and we planned to have her babysit on Wednesday afternoon so we could go and get home right after dinner to get the kids to bed. Everything was arranged and I was beyond ecstatic to go! Well, Tuesday afternoon Nate got a call from the chief resident for the month and she asked him to cover for a fellow resident that had to make up a rotation with another facility. And that was it, I haven't seen much of him on this "easy" week since he got that call. Oh, did I mention that he had to then go in that very afternoon? Well, I wasn't about to give up that easily. We tried getting out of just Wednesday, but the "chief" wouldn't think about it. So, I went into frustrating plan B mode. I remembered that I had "won" a night of free babysitting from a young woman in our ward, so I thought I'd give it a shot. Well, she was available to babysit on Friday night (last night) and we planned to go pick her up around 7pm. Nate called around 6:00 saying he still had to do rounds and that I would probably have to meet him somewhere in order to get to the temple for the last session at 8:30. I had to ask my neighbor to sit with my kids for 20 minutes so I could go pick up the real babysitter. I packed some church clothes for Nate and our temple bags then drove to meet him at our designated spot. We rushed to the temple and got there about 15 minutes before the last session. Nate had to pull a Clark Kent and change in our car. The men at the front scanned my recommend at 8:22 (we were pushing it) and then we realized that Nate couldn't find his recommend in his wallet (the only place he ever leaves it!). We panicked, searched, he ran for the car to search some more, but utlimately all our panic and searching availed us nothing- we were not able to enter the sacred temple for lack of a recommend. What a complete and utter bummer. I was so desperate for the uplifting and peaceful feeling of the temple it just seemed that this was the last straw to a very disturbing week. (I'd had a really hard few days with the kids and felt like a miserable failure of a mother). So, we went outside and I sat down and cried. There is nothing more painful than having one's every hope dashed. I know that there are much worse things that could happen, it's just that I was really devastated and couldn't see the big picture. To me, it seems like I have my heart in the right place but that something always seems to get in the way of going in the temple. I long for it. I crave it. I need it. I will go soon!!! Or I will go insane!

So, after my pity party we walked around the temple and tried to feel the peace we longed for just from looking at the gorgeous House of the Lord. We tried to take advantage of the fact that we had a free babysitter and we weren't just going to go home. We talked about how much worse it must feel to go to the temple and not be able to enter because one was not worthy. We made analogies of how we really didn't want to be like the 5 virgins that weren't prepared when the Master came. This obstacle will not cause me to doubt or feel anger. I got that out of my system last night and now I will turn to my faith that the Lord will create a way for us to worship Him in His house soon. I know that He wants us there and that we need it to survive spiritually in this crazy world.

I love to see the temple. The DC temple is quite a sight to behold. It is huge and lovely and beckons me to come!!! I will go inside again soon. I can't wait! I love love love the temple.