So, I think I have vented on here before about my seeming inability to stop yelling. It seems that the more I consciously try to stop, the more I end up feeling like a failure because I seem to get worse. Well, I have noticed that I seem to see things as "all or nothing" at times and my yelling seems to be one of them. I have therefore made a goal of noting the good times that I do have so that when I feel like a complete and utter failure and an angry mess, I can refer to the fact that I do occasionally have really good days.
Today was a really good day :) In fact, I don't think that I have really yelled for 3 days now, which means it is actually a really good week! Yippee for me! I don't know why or how, but I do know that I feel happy and more fulfilled when my house is in order and I don't feel like screaming or pulling my hair out. I think a great deal of my frustrations usually lie in the fact that my house looks like a bomb went off no matter how much I feel like I clean. While I am cleaning something, the kids are messing something else up. I just need to give up some control and say, "let kids be kids". But boy does it feel ever so nice when my house is clean and smells good (I have a new candle burning right now- yum).
My kids are really good kids, but many times I find myself just wanting to leave and get a break. I get that way especially when I haven't had any "me" time for a while. Considering that out of the entire month of September Nathan has only had 2 days off (and they were jam packed) I think the fact that I have gone 3 days without yelling is nothing short of a miracle. I can seriously feel a desire to continue this trend growing and growing until I will be hopefully be more controlled when the next temptation to lose it comes.
A few weeks ago I was so irate at one point that I literally screamed as loud as I could for as long as I could "AAAAAAAAA". My kids were all sitting at the kitchen table staring at me. When I finished we all laughed and ironically it made us all feel better. My frustrations were out and the kids were amused. I will need to find more healthy ways of doing that in the future, but for now I will be proud that I at least laughed at my ridiculous self afterward!
Today I not only managed not to yell, but also went without turning on the TV for a break. Amazing! I don't rely on it that much anyway, but usually allow the kids to watch at least one cartoon (for 1/2 hour). Today we cleaned our rooms, bathrooms, closets, kitchen, matched socks, folded laundry, put the dishes in the dishwasher away, swept, and still had plenty of extra time to play. I was amazed at how good the kids were and how willing to help they were today! I loved it! (maybe that is why I am so happy tonight, I felt like I was actually listened too.)
At scripture study time tonight I read to the kids out of my Spanish Book of Mormon, which I don't think I have ever done before. They loved it and I of course translated and explained what things meant. I read to them from Helaman and explained that he had named his sons Nephi and Lehi and asked the kids why they thought that Helaman did that. Kaylie of course knew the answer, and said, "because they were good". I then asked them who they were named after. Kaylie said, "aunt Sarah" since her middle name is Elaine, but I corrected her and said it was actually after my grandma Elaine. Carter knew that he was named after his daddy. I then asked them why. Kaylie said, "because they are good people and you want us to be like them". Then Carter spontaneously got up and said, "I better go work out" and started doing pushups on the floor, just like his father. What a hoot! We all had a good laugh :)
I even enjoyed singing with the kids tonight and we sang about 7 songs together, prayed, brushed teeth and got them tucked in all before 7:10. I usually don't have them in bed before 7:30 but must admit that having this extra time to come and type in here is awesome!
I really do love my kids and love my life- I just need to remember that on the hard days!!!!
4 months ago
1 comment:
Well I have to say, you sound like one heck of a mom here! Even if you do occasionally yell too often, you seem to spend a lot of quality time with your kids helping them learn and become responsible little people. Every time I read your blog, even the ones about how horrible you feel you're doing, it makes me want to do better! Definitely let the little things slide and rest assured, you're doing a good job! That's if my opinion matters anyway! haha
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