Cook Family Communication

Well, I know that I have already posted 2 things about my birthday, but I must write one more. Turning 30 is a rather big deal, it does deserve 3 posts! So, my birthday was great and amazing and all, but for some reason I woke up the day after and felt a little melancholy and sad. I realized that I had not received on phone call from any of my family. Several of Nathan's siblings and his father managed to call and wish me a happy day, but not one person, not even my mother called! It was a bit of an eye opener. I felt disconnected and sad that I seemingly meant so little to my family that not one of them called me. In addition to that, Nathan's Aunt Anne passed away in her sleep on my Birthday and we had received many calls about it as well as a few really sweet emails from her brother, my father-in-law. He had many fond memories of her and wrote kindly about her and the things they'd done together.

The combination of these 2 things caused me sorrow that I hadn't felt before. I started pondering, "what will my family have to say about me when I pass on?" and things of that nature. So, out of great desire to reconnect and feel in-the-loop with my own family, I wrote this email:

Hello Cooks!

I figure it's been a while since I've talked with many of you and wanted to give an update of what is going on here in Virginia and in my life. I assume that since most of you live in the same city/state you are frequently in contact with eachother and feel like you have some pretty strong family ties. I'm happy that you have that with each other (at least some of you). I can't help but wish that I felt a part of our family circle. I know they say "out of sight out of mind" but I don't want to feel like that. I want to feel like we are close and that we know each other personally, even if the miles separate us. I am in a rather somber and reflective mood at the moment. Yesterday was a somewhat big day and has given me much to think about. I turned 30 years old, and had a great day. THe only thing lacking was a phone call or something from "home". I had several calls from inlaws and friends, but not one Cook seemed to remember me. Mom sent a package a week ago, so I guess that counts. This is the first year that I didn't have grandma to call and celebrate with, and I guess it has brought some sadness- SHe ALWAYS remembered me and sent a card and called. I miss her terribly and feel like even when no one else called, she always made up for it. I guess I shouldn't expect any one to call or remember me, but it never hit me as hard as it did when I realized that without Grandma, I really don't feel connected to the Cooks anymore. I don't want to feel like that and I am writing in hopes to change course and somehow seek deeper friendships within the family. Nathan's aunt died last night in her sleep and that too has caused me to reflect. She was the middle of 9 children and her death came as a complete shock and was totally unexpected. My father-in-law wrote a touching email about her life and what memories he had of her as his sister. I read that this morning and wondered, "What memories will my brothers have of me? What impact am I making in the lives of others, especially those that should be closest to me?" I can't help to think that if I were to pass on not many in my family would really know what to say about me. You know that I have 4 children, am married to a resident podiatrist, and that I live in Virginia (or somewhere near DC). But what of the day to day things? WHat of my personality, my likes/dislikes, my goals and desires? Do you know that i love to cook but rarely can make a meal without being interrupted by little ones? Did you know that I am overanxious about food storage and that I've recently become a coupon-aholic? Do you know that I have Grasshopper Pie every birthday and that I only ate a little of it last night because I'm trying desperately to get back in shape and lose some baby fat? Do you know that I absolutely love being a mother and that 98% of the time I wouldn't change being a stay-at-home mother? I love speaking Spanish but sound completely terrible and have a hard time remembering basic vocabulary? DId you know that I struggle to find energy most of the time and that I am really dizzy. I can't fall asleep at night without putting a tennis ball under my neck and a massage ball on my low back. I teach 6 students piano and have lofty goals of teaching Kaylie to play. I am currently the ward choir director and struggle each week to feel capable of it. Do you know that for my birthday Nate made me a wonderful omelet for breakfast (before work) and then made a killer dinner? That we chose to go to a local community center to play raquetball for our date but that the courts were all full by the time we got there? I could go on, but I think I'll leave you hanging and wanting more- so that maybe someone will call or write and ask how I'm doing? There is so much to celebrate and be grateful for in life. Family is one of the most important things we have and we need to cherish eachother better. I want so desperately to feel a part of your lives. I want to know you and your thoughts and desires. I want to feel like you would like to know me too. I miss you guys and love you deeply. I have many fond memories of our youth and growing up together and want to continue to make those memories. I don't want my kids to feel like I feel about Grandpa Patterson- I love him but I don't know him at all. I'm not sure how to change. I would love to have more frequent association with you and know that you all have busy lives, as do I. Do you guys have any ideas on how we can do better at making each other feel loved? I know I can do a lot better at keeping in touch and pray that this email will be the first of many in my attempts to make this weakness a strength. When I think about eternity I want so desperately to be there with each of you, but I don't want to wait until then to really get to know you and be your friend. Please know that this email is sent out of love and desire to feel connected. I in no way intend to offend or make anyone feel uncomfortable. My desires are to let you know how I feel in hopes that you too will share with the family some of your feelings and thoughts. I love you love you love you! Have a great day, Nichole


I just wanted to report, that now, 2 days after sending this to my family, I have heard from every single one of them, and had lengthy conversations and emails from several. It feels good and I want so badly to keep it up and to stay in touch in my than just my prayers!